The Beautiful You – your identity in Christ.

As promised here is my 25 minute talk delivered to my beautiful sisters during our ladies fellowship.  It was the first time I had been asked to write and share in front of so many ladies, so it was both slightly scary but totally awesome! I have added the parts I felt would be too hard to talk through on the day, so you may notice some additions! If you are going to take this on you may want to grab a coffee and a slice of cake!! God bless you.

Dove add – to be played before the talk!

I am sure that most of us here today can relate to this video and have been touched by a identity crisis at sometime in our lives.

Have you ever felt your clothes were not trendy enough, your phone not cool enough, hair not stylish enough or your home not current enough? What about your cooking abilities, have you ever compared your roast dinner or cupcakes to the latest cool chef and felt you’d never measure up? Does the word ‘weight’ make you cringe? Does a disability embarrass  you? And how about one of the hot topics of the moment, your age! Ever felt too young or too old, and has this ever made you feel useless or immature? Comparison seems to be driving the assault on image and identity to new heights, and with the introduction of social media it is as though there is not an area in our lives that is not up for grabs. As women we are putting our lives under the microscope even more, to the detriment of our joy!

– school lunch boxes – home decorating – hair – beauty – cars – friends – likes – followers – political preferences – employment prospects – educational achievements – travel – your hubbies success/style – the sporting or educational abilities of your children…even the salvation of your children all seem to have a mind numbing affect on our identities.

In our home we love to share meals and conversations with friends and strangers. Quite often I will ask our company one question in many forms. It goes like this – ‘What is the hardest thing about being…a woman in Taiwan, a Christian in Korea, a teenager in our country, retired after a life time of working, a father, a single mother etc. The two answers that come back repeatedly (from ladies) are in connection with weight/beauty and age. One evening I asked a table of Taiwanese ladies this question and they all nodded in agreement as one answered, ‘Weight and attractiveness.’ They then went on to share how under the microscope they feel as women.

Over the last 20 years I have noticed that we are now finding new and more detailed ways of identifying ourselves to the world around us. You may have heard one of these – “I am a breast feeder” “I am pro-life” “I am vegan” “I am gay”  “i’m Baptist” I’m Pentecostal” “I’m type A” or , “Hi, this is Sally my sister, she’s OCD!”

Whether you are old/young, married, single, divorced, widowed, orphaned, thin/formally thin (like myself), private school/public school/Homeschooled, atheist, saved, gluten intolerant, computer illiterate, a Queenslander, African, Asian, Backpacker, shy, out going or whatever – you have been classified, defined or characterized at sometime in your life.

This is not all bad, identity labels can be very helpful in life for many reasons. But, I am not talking about the handy ones today. The ones I am focusing on are the ones that we, as women, often find easier to believe and the ones that can almost destroy us.

I may only be reaching a few of you here this morning, that would be wonderful, but my guess is many of us have been wounded or changed by identity markers.

I’ve been invited today to share with you my journey in this area of life.

The hardest thing in doing this has been where to start! So after much prayer I put pen to paper and tracked back to 5 years ago when my identity was so detestable to me I hated even looking in the mirror, every part of my life was affected in fact. I arrived at this destination, not in a moment, but after a lifetime of moments that culminated in a perfect storm of sorts. But, so this makes sense to you all I need to go back further and share with you some of the identifying labels that shaped me into the woman before you now.

In December 1972 at my birth – I was unwelcome, an unplanned mistake and a bastard child.

At 10 in 1982 – I was annoying, stupid, abused, abandoned, ugly, dumb, in the way, a waste of space, a mistake, and broken.

At 20 in 1992 – I was a rape victim, homeless, wounded, untrusting, an army wife, not like the girls in the videos, a whore, too fat, too thin, saggy, too uptight, too liberal, used, no good, replaceable and now a mother of a beautiful little man.

At 30 in 2002 – I was twice divorced, newly married, a cancer survivor, scared, deeply wounded, lacking confidence, fake and striving to fit into some pigeonhole.

At 40 in 2012 – I was FREE! Free at last! I was new woman, with a new identity. God had become my Father, The Bible my Authority, The Holy Spirit my Comforter and Counselor and Jesus Christ my SAVIOUR! I was now my Beloved’s and He was mine!

This new, untouchable identity took shape the year I received one of the most stabbing labels I had ever had slapped on me. That was 2010, my third marriage was now over, he was gone leaving nothing but destruction in his wake. I woke up my first Sunday alone and decided to take my children to church (we had been home-churching!). I dressed my babies and ambled off to church with my 8 children in tow. As we stood together filling the row I looked down the row at my children and used every ounce of strength to keep standing. I had destroyed another family. After the service, I was repeatedly introduced as, ‘that single mother of 8!’

After a lifetime of crushing labels this was the one that drove me to the end of myself and into His arms. At the age of 37 and after 16 years of seeking God, I was exhausted and He had now stripped away whatever pride was left in my heart. Standing there that day, talking to strangers as I watched my children play and chat, my heart broke – loud enough to echo through my mind! I realized in that moment I needed grace, grace and mercy that God alone could pour into this empty vessel.  Pride, fear, pain and idolatry had been preventing me from embracing my deep need for Jesus. But now, to paraphrase Spurgeon, I turned to kiss the wave that threw me against my Rock of Ages.

I had been erecting idols all my life in an effort to fit in or gain the approval from parents, friends, husbands and society. Sporting accolades, educational attainments, style, fashion, fitness, bouncy personality, fitness, marriage, children, housekeeping, material goods and the list goes on. Over the years I had trained, studied, dieted, shopped, plucked, permed, decorated, pretended and faked my way into… into what? And for what?

And now I was undone and emptied of everything. My focus was now  fixed on God. I was not going to let anything fog the path before me. There is a song God used during that time to remind me of what my target was to be, it has become my anthem!

In Christ alone my hope is found;

He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

That was it! My lifelong petitions began to change that day. No longer was I going to cry out for God to remove my pain, shame, hate, need or heal my hurt. These things just did not matter anymore. I just wanted Him. If you had walked past my door that night as I knelt by my bed you would have heard my entreaties, “Father, please still my fears and strivings…Jesus, show me what it is to be IN You…teach me to live in the shadow of Your Cross…tell me what is real about me and shed what is not.”

So, did I wake up that Monday fully restored and ready to write a self-help book?

NO!

What happened in the following months is best compared to the 3 men in Daniel Chapter 3, because when I drew my line in the sand the enemy only heated up the fiery furnace that had become my life. We had gone from a close little dairy farming family a few months prior, to a shattered mess and I was left alone to fix it. I suffered loneliness like you would not believe, I had no family and the hurt ran deeper. At one point my children and I came to within days of homelessness. I went from a over bearing husband to on my own in one moment. This led to a pendulum swing of gigantic proportions. As I desperately tried to hold on to my devastated children and protect them I only drove them away and before long I had police on my door, a run away child, 5 hurting little babies that had no idea what was happening, why their lives had changed, why mummy was always sad, why daddy was gone and why their older siblings were now running from the close relationships they had once savoured. I had to say goodbye to my eldest son when he left the nest and moved for work. My daughter went to meet her father and never came home. My abusive ex-husband re-entered my life and I had to retrace the abuse I had escaped years before. My 16-year-old son began to slip through my fingers, the struggle was fierce and real, none of it made sense. As I laboured to hold my family close it only shattered further. The church began to withdraw because my life was a mess on the outside and they felt unable to help touch my inner turmoil. At times I felt my mind slipping away also, but all of this only made me tighten my grip stronger still.

As only God can, He made hope spring up through Christ. Only His Son could rain hope into a heart that had been tilled and left bare and useless.

So, quick identity check; every area of my life was a train wreck. Appalling abuse, abandonment, poverty, illness, parenting failure, hatred of men, fear, self-esteem, identity, longings, idolatry, pride, sin, the search for acceptance had all but decayed my soul.

With this all said I stand before you obviously unable to share with you ladies the secret of ‘self-esteem.’ Actually I hate the word!! The definition of self-esteem is ‘ a favourable impression of one-self’ Ugh!!I can not conjure up an emotional high that will see you through each battle you face. I can not give you a favourable impression of yourself!’ I tried to write that talk but it is sitting in the bin at home!!

In desperation over the years I have attended self-esteem seminars, lost 35 kilos, read self-help books, tried counseling and even stood in front of my mirror and spoke useless words of affirmation over myself. Truth is, none of it helped, at least, not during the long lonely night hours. When I would rise with nothing to keep me company except the chilling slurs of a life gone wrong. The ringing condemnation was deafening and affirmations could not be heard over the ear piercing shame and emptiness..

It would be wrong and of no use to any of you if I stood here and poured my mind into yours.  My wisdom and guidance in this area of identity are but a cheap counterfeit.

BUT I can share my God and Father with you, and that is it!!!

For when the die was cast and I lost all that I had hidden behind, loved and adored more than God, I only had Him left. He showered me with the greatest comfort this world will ever know. It was more sustaining than any affirmation, than the deepest love story and would take me beyond this current season and into eternity where I would rejoice in His presence for ever more.

In the darkest season of my life, I looked unto Him and He made me radiant, as He promises in Psalm 34:5, my face was no longer covered in shame. There was no longer any condemnation for me.

Day after day, night after night I opened my Bible and consumed His Word. I read Ephesians 1 as if I was reading my own adoption papers. That year I consumed my Bible, just me and my LORD and He was marinating me in His truth. As the princess in Song of Solomon I arose from my bed at night and sought Him Who my soul loves. God answered every prayer and fulfilled every longing for wholeness. As I sought Him I discovered something amazing…I found my Saviour in every book of the Bible.

I saw Him as the seed of woman in Genesis, as the Passover Lamb in Exodus, in Ruth He was my Boaz. In Psalms He was my Shepherd and strong tower. In Proverbs He was wisdom, in Song of Solomon He was my Lover and Bridegroom. In Amos He became my burden-bearer and in Malachi He was the Sun of Righteousness with healing in His wings.

As the Israelites had done, I longed for my Messiah to enter into the story and then…there He was. I found Him in Matthew; He had come for me as He promised He would in Genesis 3. He came, entered my world as the Son of man and the Son of God! I rejoiced with the Angels of heaven at His birth, marveled as He spoke with the leaders at the age of 12, I witnessed His baptism with John in the Jordan. I stood and marvelled at the well as He spoke with me and told me that in Him I would never hunger or thirst again. He restored my sight with mud and spit, gave me eyes to see Him in all His glory. As the storms began to rage around me I saw His hands stretching out to me as they had when He left the 99 behind to seek me out! Again and again, His eyes beckoned me to look to Him and not my past. I was to rest and trust Him. In Matthew 9 He found me mute, silenced by my cruel world and the myriad of voices out there, He stooped down and opened my mouth. He put a new song on my lips and filled me with the Good News. At times we would withdraw to the hills, walk alone and there He shared with me of persecution and pain that would come, but He reminded me that I was to remain in Him for under His wings I was untouchable. I believed every word He said. When life was too much, He spoke gently reminded me again to come to Him where He would bestow His peace and rest on me. He shared things so brilliant and breathtaking, stories of Heaven, of wedding banquets where I would meet His Father, of mansions He had prepared for me, of streets made from gold and of an eternity in His presence. I sat in awe and my soul delighted in Him.

He fed me, clothed me, strengthened me, beautified me, loved me and set me apart for Himself.

In Luke 7, I heard His defense of me when church leaders reviled me because of my past and my shady identity. His words still melt me, ‘Do you see this woman? I entered your house and you gave me no water for my feet, but she has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave me no kiss, but from the time I came in she has not ceased to kiss my feet. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she has anointed my feet with ointment. Therefore, I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But He who is FORGIVEN little, LOVES little.’

I could share so many more stories with you, but I think you may know them all. So what can I share with you today from my life? What solace? What comfort? Is there a source of joy and an end to the painfulness of identity?

Yes, I can! And, yes there is!

Three words, ladies; In Christ Alone.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—

This is the pow’r of Christ in me;

From life’s first cry to final breath,

Jesus commands my destiny.

No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home—

Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand

 

For the Christian woman our identity begins and ends with the knowledge that God Almighty, Sovereign, Merciful and Just is our Father and it is our Saviour Who made this relationship possible. This truth transcends any other opinion be it an angry ex partner, Pinterest, bias, personal condemnation, your health, mental state or your lack of travel experience! For the saved woman, this Jesus is not put off by your waist measurements; He is not disgusted by your hairy top lip, your wrinkles, grey roots or stretch marks. His love is not withdrawn because of mess, late library books, out of tune worship voice, bad scheduling or late dinners.

For the redeemed daughter, Jesus is your righteousness. So quit your striving because the best you can do is but filthy rags to Him. His death on the Cross accomplished it all. You are hidden in Christ Jesus, this knowledge should be life to weary bones my beloved sisters. He came seeking you, left the presence of His Father to seek and save His own, us!

Any power Satan stole in the Garden of Eden, our Saviour obliterated in the Garden of Gethsemane when He said, ‘Yes’ to the cup of the Father’s wrath.

Sisters, I speak this with deep gravity and love –

You are not your jean size.

You are not your home, car or passport.

You are not your age. (I know that does not make sense!)

You are not your husband’s rank or your children’s success in life.

You are not even your best abilities and charity time!

You are Christ’s and He is yours, bought with a price, accepted in the Beloved, a member of the household of faith. And you are most certainly not others opinions of you.

When Satan the accuser comes to condemn you and God looks at us, if we are in Christ, He sees only Christ’s righteousness. That is who you are. That is your identity…you are Christ’s!

Does this mean that identity and image do not matter? Or like my daughter asked after I shared this talk with her, ‘does this mean we don’t have to brush our hair anymore?’ NO! This all has its’ place but as God’s daughters I’m sure He does not want us fussing over every little detail and area of image.

In His Word, He tells us to be in the world but not of it. In 1 Samuel 16:7 when the people were seeking a king He told Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD sees not as man sees, man looks on the outward appearance but the LORD looks on the heart. What comfort, this makes my flop days not so hard to climb out of!!

In proverbs 31:30 we read, ‘Charm is deceptive, and beauty si fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.’

Jesus was direct when addressing people that spent more time on appearance then devotion and truth, ‘Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. As for our comparisons and longings the bible tells us to be content with food and clothing!

So the work that God started in this area 5 years ago, though far from complete, now bears the peaceable fruit of righteousness. My heart, mind and soul are, at 42, so tuned into my Master’s voice that I can only march to the beat of His drum. I am not swayed by fashions, trends, others opinions, image and acceptance – I am free! Identity viewed through the scope of God’s Word, love and grace becomes fun! You are free to make it work for you instead of becoming a slave to it. Perfect love (God) casts out fear, it liberates and delights. May we all walk in this as we travel the narrow road as women of God.

My hope this morning in sharing my journey from pain, shame and fear to joy and confidence in God and His Word is that you too will find your identity hidden so deeply in Him that the sting of the world will not wound the beautiful woman God created you to be. Grace has another video to share with us now and before we watch it, I want to share what came to my mind as I watched last night. I pictured all of my sisters entering through the Beautiful Door, then staying long enough to continue walking through with all the sisters who are to come.  Once we know who we are, we need to pass the baton on to others ladies.

Precious, beloved sisters, no matter what your past, no matter how deep the wounds, how hard the road you walk, you are altogether beautiful in the eyes of your Creator. He formed you, fearfully and wonderfully created you and His thoughts towards you outnumber the sand on the seashores of the world! Believe it, own it! You are beautiful because He loves you and God makes no mistakes!